Surprise! We’re pregnant! Baby #2 is coming this August!
We’ve been keeping the news secret for sooo long (though I’m sure many of you started to suspect). It’s been hard to hide the growing bump, which is getting bigger by the day.
After struggling with the rollercoaster of infertility for so long, I thought if I ever got pregnant I wouldn’t be able to hold on the excitement and would want to shout it from the rooftops the second we found out. But pregnancy after infertility is a lot different, and unlike my first pregnancy, this one has had major drama and emotional rollercoasters at every turn, which is why we decided to wait this long before sharing the news.
I don’t think we could be happier. I still don’t believe it’s totally real. I am still waiting for the ball to drop, and for it not to be real or something to go wrong, which I hear is common when you deal with infertility (more on that in another post). For so long, I worried this day would never happen and I am so grateful that we’ll have another baby and James will have a sibling. James felt like a miracle, as all babies do, but after facing so many struggles on the way to get here, this still feels too good to be true. As excited as I am, I’ve been cautious to let myself get too excited, worried I might jinx myself or something might still go wrong. Even now, I still worry every day something will go wrong. My last pregnancy I was so relaxed and happy. Actually my husband was like you should always be pregs. But this pregnancy, my anxiety has been on overdrive, which then makes me nervous that the stress and anxiety are hurting the baby, which in turn makes me more anxious. It hasn’t been the carefree, relaxing pregnancy I imagined, but it’s been the most amazing light at the end of the tunnel of the dark road of infertility, and every day, I am so grateful to be pregnant. Even when I was sicker than sick during my first trimester (more on that later too), I was thankful every day because I had hoped and prayed for this day for so long.
I am looking forward to sharing more about pregnancy and tips for trying to dress (and up until now, hide) this fast-growing bump and all about how we’re prepping for baby #2. But right now, I just wanted to say how grateful I am to finally be here and for all your support as I shared our struggles to get here.
As excited as I am to share our pregnancy, I hesitated to do it. I know so many of you are struggling to get pregnant and I want you to know I’m thinking of you and rooting for you every day. Our journey here was full of so much heartache but it brought me a community of women who shared my pain and reminded me that I wasn’t alone. Leandra Medina of Man Repeller said it best in her pregnancy announcement, and I remember how much it touched me the first time I read it, and still does. I felt so many mixed emotions about celebrating this pregnancy, partially because I still live in fear that something will go wrong and partially because I know how much pain so many are feeling as they continue to struggle.
I remember how every pregnancy announcement felt like salt on a very deep, dark wound when we were struggling so hard to have our own baby. But I also know the hope that I felt when another woman who had struggled with infertility shared her story with me, and the hope she gave me when she successfully came out on the other side. It encouraged me to keep trying and to remain hopeful that the family I so desperately wanted would one day be mine, and I’m so thankful I did. I realize how lucky I am. I am already a mama to one beautiful, perfect boy, and now I am so blessed to have another baby on the way. I wake up every day and feel my belly to double check it’s still there, and I am grateful every day that it is. While the joy is no less, this pregnancy certainly feels different than the last.
I am working on a blog post talking about how this pregnancy is different and about pregnancy after infertility, as well as an update on my pregnancy so far. But in the meantime, let me know what you’d like me to post about in the coming months — pregnancy style, our fertility journey, how we’re prepping for baby #2, or nothing baby/bump related at all.