I just completed another turn around the sun, and each year on my birthday, I like to share thoughts and goals for the year ahead. I am a few days late with my birthday reflections 2024, but I wanted to take some time to think about what the past year brought and what I want for the year ahead. Last year, there was so much I wanted to do that involved some big changes, and many of those were made. I’m really proud of that, but after a year of upheaval, I’m now settling into my groove in a new act of my life so to speak. It’s been a whirlwind, so much so, that I haven’t taken tons of time to reflect. I’ve been more in building and reacting mode. But this feels like the first time to reflect on what I accomplished and learned and failed at frankly, and where I want to go as I try my hardest to live an intentional life.
Last year, I really wanted to shift my mindset to believing what if it worked out. I wanted to go for it. I wanted to make some big professional changes to pursue what my heart was calling me to do and to have more flexibility to spend time with my family. I’m proud to say I took that plunge last year though it frightened me deeply to leave a position so associated with my identity and a dream job and company I had spent a decade working for. Though I had been yearning to make the move and ready for my next challenge, it took me years to finally take the plunge. I am not mad that I didn’t do it sooner though. I had to set the groundwork to make it work for me and our family and professionally, and I’m proud of myself for doing that. It was a lot of work and patience, and I think I did it right, or as right as one can when taking a big risk and making a big change. Leaving the corporate world and starting my own business has been one of the hardest and scariest and most rewarding things I’ve done. It hasn’t offered me the work-life balance I craved, I have gotten more flexibility, which has been priceless in so many ways, but I feel like I’m working more than ever and often overlapping into time with the kids. With that said, our childcare has been spotty and starting a business requires a lot more work than running one, so I’m leaning into the chaos as best I can right now, knowing that I’ll find a better rhythm eventually (I think? I hope? Or maybe this is motherhood and having a business/career and I’m finally admitting it. Probably a bit of both.) As I think about my birthday reflections 2024, what sticks out to me the most is that I finally did it. I finally went after the professional and personal change I wanted and I’m so proud of myself for doing it. It was such a big step, and it’s so much, but I am so happy. If you needed a sign to go for your dreams, let this be it. So many people told me to go for it and that I’d be so much happier, and they were so right. They warned of the hard work and that starting and running your own business is so much, and they weren’t wrong, but they still all said how they’d never go back, and now I get why.
I truly feel that this year I figured out what I was meant to be doing, right now, in this period of my life. I don’t like to think in forevers anymore, another lesson learned this year. I think if we think too far ahead and in absolutes, we don’t allow our dreams to evolve with ourselves. We change as we grow and get married and have children, and to think that our career goals and ambitions and the things that satisfy us wouldn’t change is absurd. Yet, I kept myself trapped for awhile into feeling like I had to stick to the goals and life vision I had set forth for myself at 25, even though I now had three kids and live in a world and worked in an industry that looked completely different from what it did when I was 25. It’s okay for your vision to shift, and in fact, if you don’t let your dreams and goals shift with you and your life, I think you can find yourself stuck and unhappy as I started to feel.
So as I think on my birthday reflections 2024 and look ahead to this next year, I am starting to think of what I want to accomplish and where I want to go. Personally, some of the things I dreamed of are aligning and I am thrilled. Professionally, I’m still building but I’m so proud of where I’m going. I have an irrational fear of things going well, born of past trauma. It makes me uneasy. I still feel unworthy at times of good things and the life of my dreams, and so I worry when things start going well that something bad is about to happen and it will all fall apart. I’m trying to train myself to ignore those feelings and to remind myself, I deserve great things and that blessings are heading my way and that I deserve to live the life of my dreams. If them, why not me? I keep telling myself that when the doubts creep in. But still, I’m scared to even whisper that I am really excited where my life is heading right now. After years of feeling like I was in a holding pattern, I finally feel like I’m on my way. If you are building your family or starting it and you feel like you’re a bit stuck, know you’re not alone. I actually think this is part of the transition to motherhood that we don’t always talk about or maybe can’t see until we’re out of it. But I think sometimes you feel stuck because you’re becoming a new person, born of becoming a mother, but other things are the same, and maybe they need to be as you navigate this big change, as they did for me. Starting a new job or embarking on my own wasn’t right when I first had James. In retrospect, learning to be a working mom and continue to build my career at my same company and in my same industry after having him, was the best thing that happened to me. I was able to get my dream job and accomplish and learn so much while also not taking out too much that might have sent me overboard. Sometimes you have to trust the timing of your life, even if it feels painful in the moment, which is one of my biggest birthday reflections 2024.
So as I head into another trip around the sun, I want to set some intentions for the year ahead:
- Travel more, have more experiences, and enjoy life more
- Have more fun with my kids
- Double my business in every metric
- Find the things that light me up and lean more into them, whether it’s tennis or dinners with my husband or friends
I’m keeping my intentions short and sweet, because I have a strong vision of my dream life and I don’t know exactly how it’ll all come together but I want to keep pushing towards it.
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