Well, here I am, starting another trip around the sun. It’s funny because I’m a big birthday person, but not as much when it’s my own. I guess I never like to celebrate myself, something I should probably be in therapy talking about but instead I’ll come on here and tell you about it. But it’s been a few years since I’ve been able to celebrate my special day due to Covid and then being on the verge of giving birth last year. So I decided this year, I’m going to treat myself and soak it in and share some reflections on a milestone birthday.
It’s funny, maybe it’s old age (har), but I’m feeling very introspective and a big shift in perspective on the eve of this birthday. Hence, me sharing these deep reflections on a milestone birthday. But this year, I’m ready to celebrate and really make this the start of a new era. I am reminding myself that like everyone else, I deserve it and life is to be lived, a new perspective I’m embracing this year (perhaps it’s my old age). But whatever it is, I’m going with it. I am really going to dedicate the year to stop worrying about the future and what ifs and what could go wrong and denying myself the fun and adventure. I want to try to take risks and have more fun and do more adventures. The world has just been so unstable and crazy that I’m realizing that there’s never really a good time and that I can’t save everything for a future when things will be easier or when we’ll have hit this milestone or whatever, because who knows what will come. So, as I take a beat to share some reflections on a milestone birthday, I’m dedicating this trip around the sun to enjoying life and to making the things I want happen, not waiting for a time in the future for my dreams to come true. And I’m not just talking about the big things, like this blog/brand and career and family plans, but also the smaller things like that trip I want to take or that restaurant I want to try.
This year, I’m hoping to operate on a different frequency. I want to come from a place of what if it worked out, or even better, it will work out. I want to do the things I’ve been talking about and the things that I dream about. If not now, who knows if it’ll ever happen, ya know? Don’t get me wrong. This kind of action puts me way outside my comfort zone. I get nervous investing a lot of time and money into one area lest something should go wrong or planning to far in the future, not knowing what may come up. And taking big risks has never been my thing. But I’m going to try to push through that fear and anxiety and uncomfortability. I deserve a big full life and so do my kids. I don’t want to have regrets on my death bed. I want to have gone for it. I know this is making me sound like I’m turning 100, but I just feel like as we come out of this Covid world and yet the world remains so uncertain and crazy and I enter this phase of motherhood and my career, it’s time to just go for it and make things happen. In many ways, this feels like the prime of my life and I need to start living for it. I know people think when you’re in your 20s, you’re in your prime. But I disagree. There’s too much insecurity, growing pains of trying to figure out who you are, how to adult, what you want to do, your career is a mess. For me, the next stage is proving to be far better and I really think now that I’m married, have a family and built my dream career, my prime is beginning. With that said, there’s so much more I want to do, and I”m realizing if I want to do all these things, I better get going on it. I keep thinking ok, so if it fails, yes, that will be awful and scary, but it’s not like I haven’t figured things out before. It always ends up working out, even if it’s not exactly what I had envisioned. So as I take minute for some reflections on a milestone birthday, I think it boils down to this: I’m going to go for it this year and that’s what I want to focus on in this era of my life.
In many ways, I feel like I’m entering a new era of Kristin. Not just because of my birthday, but also the changes that have taken place in my life. We’ve moved. I’ve become a mom of three. I’ve grown more comfortable in my role as an executive, boss, and leader. I’ve become more passionate about my own brand and business as well and making this blog and brand what I want it to be, regardless of what people think. I’ve begun to care less about what people think and it’s freeing and also incredible given that I am a chronic overthinker with sometimes crippling anxiety. And I have decided to take advantage when given opportunities to enjoy the best parts of my life and job, whether it’s a wedding invitation that will take us to France this summer, a free facial for my birthday, a chance to travel somewhere new for work, or a free block of time to create a special memory for my family.
It’s funny because I feel more positive right now than I ever have even though so much in my life feels influx and uncertain and I’m at a major inflection point, unsure of which way I want it all to go, which isn’t typically a position I like to be in. I like certainty and routine. But right now, I’m craving change and adventure. If Andrew told me tomorrow he got a job in London or Hong Kong or I got offered a job in France, I’d pick up and move us all again, no questions asked. I am craving travel and exploration in a way I haven’t in years. It’s exciting but also tough given that we now have three children and a dog to tag along or find caretakers for when we’re away. But I have decided to just figure it out and make it all happen. Maybe it’s the freedom of being somewhere new and not feeling settled in our new life yet. I don’t feel as much pressure to do certain things or the fomo of missing out on anything yet, so I can just follow my heart and what I think is best for our family. I don’t know that will always be the case, but right now, it feels freeing.
I also want my kids to remember their childhoods as being filled with magic and laughter and fun. I don’t want them to think of me as always yelling or cleaning or working. I don’t want them to think of me as the fun police. Or to remember going cool places or being at cool camps and activities but really wishing their mom had been less stressed or this or that. So I’m going to try to enjoy life for myself and for them. Past trauma has made it hard for me to really feel like I deserve fun and good things, but I’m trying to overcome that, if not for me, for my kids.
So as I prepare for another trip around the sun and a new era of Kristin, I want to take a second for some feflections on a milestone birthday and set the intention to really live it up this year. To do the fun things, to go all in on my business, to do the date nights, to take the meeting, to go on that trip, and to figure it out. To make those things happen rather than think of the excuses why not. I do believe if there’s a will, there’s a way.
I think one of the reasons I’m feeling this optimism and ambition right now is because of all of you. I felt silly posting here and yet now this blog brings in a huge audience each month and many of you tell me how helpful you found this or that post and that makes me so happy. I felt really dumb and embarrassed sharing my outfits and talking on IG and now TikTok, but then I connect with so many of you and it makes me feel so energized. I think the things that make us feel energized are our calling. I am finding that with our home design and sharing home content. It’s energizing to me to rearrange and reimagine a space and I love talking about it and sharing. In the same way, I love finding great gems when shopping and sharing them. I love helping to solve your outfit or motherhood issues and being a resource. I want to figure out how to continue to be that and do more and grow those areas more because that give me energy and life, really.
As I get ready to celebrate myself this year (cringe but also no, I am not going to cringe because we all deserve to be celebrated and life certainly does), I’m going to focus on what energizes me and go after those things. Travel and making memories with my family, design and home decor, sharing and connecting with all of you, building this brand and creating content that I wish existed in the world and most of all, being a mom, my most favorite thing in the world.
Those are my intentions for the year ahead and my reflections on a milestone birthday, but if I were to give it a tag line it’d be live it up and that’s what I intend to do. Now, it’s off to live it up with a delicious meal and my husband who never knows how to celebrate the woman who doesn’t like to be celebrated and yet secretly does, but who always tries to find a way.
Comment