As a working mom with a demanding full-time job and side hustle, I am pretty strapped for time. It leaves little time for TV, a social life, or just relaxing. Not that I would have it any other way. Frankly, I get bored easily and I like to be busy, and love that I am able to build this community and have a creative outlet. But, I’ve recently realized that it’s left me with little time for myself. I thought once I became a mom, my kids would be my hobby, at least when they were younger, but I”m starting to realize that having hobbies outside your family are really important and maybe even necessary especially when you’re a mom. But what exactly are hobbies for moms? Are they the same as the ones we had pre-kids, and did I even have any hobbies pre-kids? I guess it depends on what you define as a hobby. I guess I always equated hobbies with things you do when bored or random niche things you’re really passionate about doing, like needlepointing or playing some game. But I think there is a wide swath of activities and interests that could count as a hobby. And having the chance to explore those passions and interests just for fun, outside of work and family life is important. It’s a way to maintain your sense of self as you take on the new mom identity. Ya know?
But finding the time for hobbies and figuring out what mine should be isn’t so straightforward, at least for me. Which has led me down a road of exploring hobbies for moms, or really asking my mom friends what they do in their spare time or for fun. Not so surprising revelation: Few of us moms have any time outside of work, family, etc. to do or think of anything else. And I’m not really counting working out or other things you need to do to maintain your health or sanity as hobbies. I’ve tried to carve out time for myself by making time to workout again. I realized that my body hasn’t really felt like my own, especially since struggling to get pregnant and it has made me feel really bad about myself. I’m feeling angry enough with my body over my inability to get pregnant, so I don’t really need another excuse to hate it. I’m finding that working out in the morning has been really good for me — helping me deal with my stress and anxiety. But it’s not the same as a hobby really. It’s more like a part of my routine I do for my health and wellbeing. I don’t necessarily enjoy it, but I’m always glad I did it afterward, ya know?
But I’m talking about a hobby hobby — like Andrew has gotten really into fly fishing. It’s something he can learn, research and buy gear for, improve upon, and spend hours doing. I don’t exactly have that luxury of time — I want to spend as much of my time not-working with the kids, but I have been thinking lately that having something outside of work would be good for me to do. After the kiddos go to sleep or when they’re napping on weekend, I work. At night after they go to sleep, I work. Even on vacations when I’m not chasing after them (because let’s face it, vacations aren’t really vacations once you have kids), I end up working. The only time I get to do the hobbies I do have, like reading, tennis, skiing, golf (which I don’t even really like but will do on occasion with the hubs) is on vacation or the occasional weekend when we have a sitter or grandparents to watch the little ones. I guess maybe that’s what hobbies for moms really are when you’re in this phase of raising kids?
The idea of picking up something else and learning it, feels exhausting but I have friends who love gardening (which to me feels more like a chore) and needlepointing, But isn’t a hobby supposed to be something fun and relaxing? But I feel like without any real hobbies of my own anymore, I’m becoming one of those moms who gives up everything and her entire old self once she has kids, which I don’t want to be either. I don’t know. What even is a hobby? Gardening? I’m sure our deck would look a lot better with more flowers or even a veggie garden but I tried last year to grow some plants and they are all brown and dead now. Knitting and needlepoint are way too slow for me. Would training for a marathon count (not that I have time for that and doesn’t exactly sound fun)? What about decorating? Part of the reason I’m thinking about moving to the suburbs and a house is so I can spend every weekend fixing it up and decorating. I figure that will keep me very busy in my little remaining free time, and I actually really like figuring out how to put a room together and decorating it and scouring auctions and estate sales and antique stores for great pieces. I’ve been thinking I could pick up cooking as a hobby because I feel like it would be good for my family to learn to cook and ensure we eat better. But it also sounds like a chore, and I already do a lot of those. In fact, most of my free time not working is spent ordering groceries or grocery shopping, running errands, doing dishes, cleaning up after dependents, Dakota, Andrew, doing laundry, etc. etc. I don’t know. Do you have hobbies? Do you think they’re helpful or just another thing on your plate?
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