I don’t know if it’s like this in your house, but mornings are nothing short of traumatic in our house. I thought I had the whole working mom thing down when I just had James and he was a baby/little kiddo. Then Covid hit, and I didn’t have to worry about being dressed or getting three kids dressed, fed and ready for the day and doing the same for myself. So maybe we’re all just out of practice and getting used to life moving a million miles an hour again, but mornings are now like going to war each morning. It’s a nonstop rush filled with whining, tears, breakdowns (mine and the kids), and honestly, I was feeling awful as I dropped the kids off at the bus or school or ran out to the train each morning. There had been tears, fights, battles over clothes and teeth brushing and breakfast, and it just felt like there had to be a better way. But when I asked around/searched my go-to mom follows on social, it didn’t seem like anyone had found the trick for how to make mornings less stressful with kids. Everyone was just creating funny memes and reels that spoke to the utter chaos of it all. I was/am happy to know I’m not alone, but I just didn’t want our days to start this way anymore. When you’re a working mom and/or have kids going to school, mornings are the time you get together so I like to make them feel special and not a terrible experience. I also felt terrible sending them off to school after tantrums and tears and me losing my patience while trying to get everyone, including myself, to our respective places on time.
I tried various hacks that helped a little — laying out clothes and packing lunches the night before, sticking to a few different easy breakfasts everyone will eat and not becoming a short order chef, and starting the day with hugs and cuddles so each feels like their cup is full. Putting my phone away also definitely helped. But honestly, nothing was a game-changer until I was looking at one of my favorite mom bloggers, Rachel Parcell’s TikTok vlogs. Her mornings look much more civilized and less traumatic and she has three kids and a busy career and all of that. She wakes up every morning before the kids do to workout and get her day started. And she wakes up early. Since having Brooks, I had fallen into the habit of sleeping until one of the kids woke me up. Brooks wasn’t always sleeping through the night and I just couldn’t find the energy to work on it, in part because we kept getting bombarded with sickness and I just didn’t have the heart not to hold him and rock him and nurse him when he wasn’t feeling well. But that meant my mornings began chaotic. Being startled awake by little people who need breakfast or to go to the potty or can’t find their beloved show and tell item isn’t a great way to set yourself up for a day of calm, responsive parenting. And means I was rushing to get ready in a few minutes while trying to stop Brooks from getting into everything and Charlotte from putting on a full face of makeup before school and then get the kids’ lunches made, all of them fed and dressed and then look somewhat presentable for work. Even on days I was working from home, it was too much. I’d rush from drop off to my first call and feel like I had no control or handle on my day. I was constantly playing catch up. Then I’d try to squeeze in a workout between meetings and hanging with the kids and I would get annoyed with the kids for wanting me to hang out when I was trying to get in a run or quick workout video or make some lunch between calls instead of getting to take a short break to hang out with them, which was supposed to be the appeal of working from home. On commuting days, I just spent the whole day feeling like a chicken with my head cut off and I do not like that.
I’m someone who thrives on control and schedules and to-do lists. Obviously that doesn’t work well when you’re a mom, and especially not as you have more kids as I’m learning. But implementing systems and routines that allow me to stay on top of things as much as possible without feeling overwhelmed makes me a better mom and human and boss and colleague too. So I have had to really figure out how to make mornings less stressful with kids. I can’t give you a magic trick that will prevent all tantrums or make your kids get dressed in a timely manner or not forget they had to bring something to school with five minutes to spare or run into school without crying and protest. But I will say that there is one thing above all else that has genuinely changed our mornings and honestly been life changing for me: waking up before the kids get up.
I know we all look at the moms who do that and sort of tease that they’re more organized and that we could never. I felt that way when weighed down by the total exhaustion of three kids, one of which wasn’t sleeping, a full time job, a side job I work on at night and endless to-dos and worries to keep me up and prevent me from getting a good night’s sleep (not to mention a dog that likes to use me as her pillow and barks when I move). But, overwhelmed and frankly defeated by the chaos of our mornings, I decided to try waking up early to work out, finish packing the kids lunches and school bags, make some coffee and get out some emails and schedule some social media posts and to frankly calm myself before the kids started with all their needs — milk, breakfast, hugs, help getting dressed and going pee…
I won’t sugarcoat it: waking up at 5am is so hard. Sometimes I snooze until 5:30am or 6am but then I run the risk of having my morning routine interrupted and I have to stress if I have enough time for all the things I want to get done and end up not making the time as fruitful. This is in large part because my kids wake up at unpredictable times — anytime between 6 and 7am despite my best efforts to train them to all stay asleep until 7am. I have to force myself to actually go to bed earlier and as someone who finishes work at night, that is hard. I don’t get as much time to work and wind down and sometimes I stay up late mindlessly scrolling or putting the finishing touches on a speech or working on some edits or responding to emails I missed or working on the next day’s blog post or editing a Reel and then it makes getting up even harder. But on the days I wake up, get in a workout (usually just a quick one but 20 minutes of Sculpt Society or Tracy Anderson makes me feel better about life), shower and get a few emails out and social media posts scheduled and maybe even write a blog post, I feel so much better. Then I can nurse Brooks before the bigs wake up and have time to start their breakfast so I can focus on giving them some love and attention, rather than rushing them to get ready, as soon as they wake up.
Some days I don’t have the energy or willpower to work out yet or just get out of bed too late to guarantee I can without interruption or with time to shower still. I’ll use that time to work on a blog post, get ahead on work that requires quiet and full attention sans interruption. Even though the intention is to get in a workout and shower and some quick emails before the kids, even if I just get in a little time to wash my face and do a few quick to-dos off my list, I feel better than on days I just sleep until the last possible minute.
I know this isn’t necessarily life-changing advice, but putting it into action has been life-changing for me. I’m also proof it can be done because I am so not a pop out of bed peppy morning person. I am actually kind of grumpy when I wake up and more of a night owl. But I’m slowly transforming myself and my days by becoming an early bird, and I don’t know that it’ll ever be what I love to do, but I’m accepting that this is what I need my schedule to look like in order to get everything I want to and need to done and be the mom I want to be and the boss/colleague/blogger etc. I want to be as well. While there isn’t a quick and easy answer for how to make mornings less stressful with kids, getting up first and getting some things done, getting ready for the day, or just having a minute alone to sip coffee in quiet goes a long way towards making them far more manageable and setting our day up for greater success.
With that said, I do look forward to the days when we have nothing planned on weekends or time off of school and work and can just sleep until whenever and eat breakfast in our pajamas and be lazy loos. But as long as the kids need to be at school at a certain time each morning and dressed and ready and packed for it, becoming an early bird has been the answer for how to make mornings less stressful with kids, at least in my house. Ok, now it’s your turn mom hive: Any other tips for how to make mornings less stressful with kids?
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