Confession: Until last week, I had never been away from the kids for more than a night. That’s right, I/we had never taken a vacation without kids. Once we left James for a night to go to a wedding, and the only time I’ve been away from the kids since was when I gave birth to Brooks. Andrew and I had planned a couple trips to take without kids but Covid foiled all of them, and then with the move and craziness of life, we haven’t gotten away away since. Andrew has traveled a bunch for work so he’s left all three kids, but for me, leaving the kids for four days and three nights was a huge deal, especially with Brooks only six months old and still nursing and not really sleeping through the night. I probably would have never done it had it not been that it was a trip with other mom friends that I adore and that I have felt so burned out, I actually knew no matter how hard it would be on my heart, I needed it. I also deep down couldn’t believe that now six years into parenting, I had never really left my kids except to give birth to another. It’s more my codependency than something they need though Covid did play a huge role in all this. But I just didn’t know if I would be able to leave them and how I would feel while I was away and my anxiety had me a bit terrified that if something happened, they would be without a mommy. And hence how six years into motherhood, I still hadn’t ever taken a vacation without kids. But the trip sounded so fun and exactly what I needed when I agreed to go on it last spring. At the time, it felt like Brooks would be so much older and I didn’t realize what a whirlwind of changes we would be going through, including moving two weeks before. But I’m so glad I didn’t and said yes. It felt spontaneous and a bit crazy to be agreeing even though we planned it far in advance, but I”m realizing that I need to start saying yes more to things like this that ultimately feed my soul and that help me to feel like I”m living life to my fullest. It’s something that’s been important to me my whole life and a part of me I feel like I maybe left behind since becoming a parent and that I’ve missed. I love traveling and exploring and doing random adventures and I truly haven’t done much of that recently (although an impromptu trip to Disney does count).
There were many times along the way that I contemplated backing out of the trip, especially once I realized we’d be moving two weeks before and barely be settled in our new home. Then Brooks stopped sleeping and was nursing around the clock and I had so much to do for work, the house, life. I’d miss a school event and I was exhausted and didn’t know how I’d manage to pack and get it together. But I am so glad that I (and Andrew) forced me to go. It was exactly what I needed. I needed a break. Motherhood in so many ways is a job and I haven’t taken a single day off in six years. I haven’t really taken a minute off of a 24/7 job. Even on this trip, I had to orchestrate the team of childcare to watch the kids, pack lunches and prep all the things they’d need ahead, coordinate all the extra hands to help and food to be eaten and clothes to be worn and things that needed to be packed and brought and done. I ordered groceries from the beach one day and diapers driving to a snorkeling excursion. The fact is one is never fully off duty. But getting a few days to sleep in, to shower and pee and sit on the beach in peace, to eat dinner and talk to friends without interruption, to just be a person, not a mom first, was amazing.
Yes, I had to pump multiple times a day. Yes, I missed the kiddos and worried about what they were really eating (probably McDonalds) and had to hold my tongue when I was told Brooks was napping when he was supposed to be awake. And now I have to deal with getting everyone back on schedule and not having any personal space as the kids pile on in need of attention. But man, am I happy to have had that time to just be me and be with friends and enjoy life and travel again without a kid frame of mind.
So what have I learned from taking a vacation without kids (and the hubs honestly)?
The importance of taking a break not just from my day job or my side hustle, but from my #1 job, being a mom. I have come home refreshed, less angry and resentful, excited to be with my kids, and not snapping all the time. Yes, I’m stressed about all that I need to get done, but I know it will all be okay. I deserve a break not just from work but from the work of being a mom. It’s okay to take breaks from your family, even from your little baby, and it doesn’t make you a bad mom.
There’s never a good time to get away, so just do it. Book it so you can’t go back and go for it. You won’t regret it. There will always be stuff to do and stuff that comes up and things you’ll miss. But you won’t regret taking that trip.
Friends are important. Yes, couples trips are key too and I am more committed than ever to planning a vacation without kids with Andrew. But it’s also really important to take time off to be with friends. I really realized the importance of mom friends after making our first when we first moved to the burbs, and I was reminded how much I need my mom friends. We can commiserate and realize we’re not alone in some of the struggles we face. We can laugh about the idiotic things our husbands did or how they need all this help and planning when we’re away even though they shouldn’t. We can comfort each other when we’re missing a baby or pumping on a plane or a kid gets sick while we’re away. We can share our struggles and trials and tribulations and laugh and enjoy simple things like a glass of wine sipped without interruption, a chance to read on the beach, or to wear white. And honestly, there is nothing more fun than going away with a bunch of girlfriends. I feel so lucky to have some really good ones that no matter where we live, I can spend a few days with and feel like my cup is full for months.
It also has made me realize that rather than waiting another six years to get a break, I can go away for a night with Andrew or a friend in order to get a vacation without kids, or just go to dinner with girlfriends, do a spa day or long lunch. I need to get better about making time for fun and friends and above all, for a break for me. So if you’re contemplating getting away, do it. Do it and don’t think twice. Everyone will be better for it, but most importantly, you will.
Comment