Wow. I can’t believe I’m just a couple weeks (or days? or hours?) away from becoming a mother of three (!!!). It’s always been my dream to have lots of babies and a big family. I’ve always wanted four or five kids, and after infertility struggles, being on the verge of welcoming my third child feels like a dream come true. But I’m not going to lie, I’m terrified. It’s a weird feeling for me. I was not scared at all before becoming a mom for the first time. I had some slight trepidations about labor of course, but I wasn’t scared about becoming a mom or how it would change my life, which I know are common fears. With Charlotte, I wasn’t worried at all about bringing another baby into our family or our ability to handle another kid. At least I don’t remember having any fears or concerns. I mean maybe I’m not remembering correctly and it’s one of those things you block out. But this time around, I’m terrified. I am so afraid of how this will change our family dynamic and the impact having another baby will have on Charlotte and James. I’m also scared that it’ll be too much for us to handle and that I’ll lose my mind. I never doubted my ability to care for multiple kids, but I’m feeling slightly daunted by the prospect of becoming a mother of three now. And by slightly I mean incredibly.
Maybe the idea of three kids is so terrifying suddenly because everyone is telling me how much work three is or saying things like wow, you’ll have your hands full etc. Maybe it’s because some days it feels like I can barely handle my two, so how could I possible handle being a mother of three? But I am also trying to remind myself that I’m at the end of my pregnancy. I’m exhausted and super pregnant. So it’s not surprising that I’m feeling like I can’t handle anything more. Did I also mention that our childcare situation changed and while we’ve been lucky to lean on our old nanny and my in-laws for help, the timing, right before my maternity leave when work has been extra busy, hasn’t been ideal. We’ve got a lot going on right now actually that I am looking forward to sharing soon, but needless to say, it’s been/is a LOT, so perhaps that’s contributing to my feelings of overwhelm. I am slightly scared about not sleeping again, but honestly, I’m not sleeping great right now anyway. I do have worries about how I’ll handle a breastfeeding (hopefully) newborn if Charlotte wakes up in the middle of the night because she’s sick (already happened twice this week) or because she had a bad dream, or how I’m going to handle taking the kids to school and activities between feedings and while wearing a diaper. But I figured it out when Charlotte was born, and it honestly, wasn’t so bad. I’ll figure it out again, and we’ll find our new dynamic and it’ll be great. Right?
I think these jitters are normal when you’re on the precipice of such a big life change. This isn’t just a move or a new job. This is bringing another human into the world and forever changing our family. I keep reminding myself that even if becoming a mother of three will be a hard adjustment at first, that it’ll be a change in the best way possible. We’re playing the long game, and my kids will get to have another sibling to play with and to always have their backs. I would have died to have another sibling growing up and I hope they feel the same way… eventually. I do believe growing up in a big, close family is such a gift and something I always wanted and want to do for my children. I hope they feel that way too.
Any other third time moms out there with any advice or encouragement to share? I will update you on how it’s going.
Comment