I don’t know how it happened, but somehow Brooks turned one. I’ve found myself getting emotional each time one of my babies turns another year older, but Brooks’ first birthday really did me in. I don’t know if Brooks will be my last baby and this year flew by so fast. I know people feel all different types of ways, but I really love the baby phase. My kids haven’t been great sleepers, but I still just adore the baby stage, and it’s hard for me to let go. It doesn’t help that I find the toddler stage to be the hardest — once they’re running around but too young to really exercise any impulse control or communicate clearly, you never get a chance to sit down while the cuddles become fewer and far between, and I find that hard. But alas, time is a thief and one I can’t stop, try as I might. And my little boy, my third baby, is turning one this week. It’s hard to imagine a time that he wasn’t a part of our family and yet I can’t believe how fast the year has flown by. In many ways, it feels like I just had him but in other ways, so much has happened since he’s been born, that his birth feels like a lifetime away. We were living in a different town and living a different life. HIs first year has been marked by so many changes and shifts in our family. He’s really been along for the ride. It’s been a stressful and hard year, exciting, but also hard. And through it all, his presence has been such a comfort to me. No matter what the year threw at us, having him has been such a gift that I couldn’t feel down or have regrets.
It’s been so fun watching our family expand and seeing all the kids play together. Adjusting to life as a family of five (plus Dakota) and no longer having man-on-man coverage has been hard, I won’t lie. I read that people say three kids is harder than four and the hardest number to have, and I believe them. I guess the theory is that with four, you have to succumb to the chaos and they pair off. Idk how true that is but three really did us in this year. It’s felt like adding two more kids if that makes sense. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Having Brooks is the best decision we’ve made and every time I look at the kids all splashing in the bath or playing or even fighting over a toy, I can’t help but smile and feel my full heart exploding.
Brooks is also our rainbow baby and healed a deep, indescribable pain after a painful loss. As anyone who has experienced a miscarriage of pregnancy loss can probably relate, rainbow babies feel like special little angels that help put together a broken heart that felt like it would never heal. Thought I had hoped to finally have one calm, obedient child, it doesn’t seem that’s in the cards for us. Brooks is wild already and always on the move. He gets into everything and wants to do the same things his siblings are doing. He’ll fight for a toy even though he’s much smaller than the bigs and he’s stubborn — refusing to back down when he wants something. He crawled early, already has more teeth than I remember the others having at the same age and is what we lovingly refer to as “The Beefcake” because he’s my biggest baby yet, already wearing his brothers 18-24 month and 2T clothes. (He also has the nickname “Shockamia,” which we have no idea where it came from but the kids sure love to say.) He’s engaged and laughs at his siblings all the time and has the sweetest, most delicious laugh. He is full of smiles and love and trouble, too. He’s not going to be my easy one. I guess I don’t get on of these (maybe if we have a fourth?!). But I love his spirit and wouldn’t have him or his siblings any other way. I can’t wait to watch him grow and play more and more with his siblings as he grows, but man will I miss Baby Brooks.
In my book, they’re babies until they’re at least two (or until I have another) so I’m not saying so long to the baby quite yet. But one sure does feel like a big milestone and the end of one era. I will miss the newborn snuggles and carrying him everywhere and even the ache in my arms from carrying this heavy baby around. I can’t wait to bring him along for adventures and for him to play along with his siblings. What a special year this has been watching my sweet Baby Brooks grow and become part of our family. What a challenge it has been for Andrew and I and the bigs as we adjusted to being a family of five and new routines and frustrations. Not having enough arms and lap space and brain space for all the kids at once has been my biggest challenge but I think out of it, it’s making me a better mother and the kids stronger, more thoughtful and independent humans, or so I hope. I know I have enough love to go around, but I do worry I don’t have enough attention, especially with Brooks now on a mission to kill himself at every turn. But I can’t image our life without Mr. Brooks and he’s made our family so much stronger and more sweet and I’m so grateful to be celebrating Brooks’ first birthday.
So as we celebrate Brooks’ first birthday, I can’t help but think how grateful I am for this miracle Beefcake and all the joy he has already brought to our life. If anything he has taught me to savor the moment and make time for my sweet little ones, even as I rush through life and to get it all done. He has taught me more than any of the others what a thief time is and how precious these moments are and how truly fleeting they are too. Cue all the tears. I am not sure if I’ll be sharing birthday party pics from Brooks’ first birthday because we’re keeping it decidedly low-key. #thirdchild But here’s the birthday party inspo I gathered, because well, even if it’s a small celebration, it still can be cute!
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